A Moment of Honesty
Look, let’s be honest for a second. I still love you. I’ve been holding my breath hoping you’d change your mind. Hoping that my phone would ring and that we’d go back to how things used to be, back to us. I thought I was over you. Then, I realized I wasn’t. I thought I was getting over you but it seems like that’s not the case. I don’t think you can really get over someone without hating them if you’re still hoping for a happy ending. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over you, but I’m trying my best to move on. Tonight I heard about the person you’ve been with. Honestly, it hurt. I think it hurt because you told me you still loved me. I think that was my life raft, that was the hope I kept clinging to. Maybe it’s possible. Maybe you can love someone and be with somebody else. I don’t know if it matters but for whatever it’s worth, I haven’t been with anyone. I’m not going to pretend like I have all the answers. I have a million and one questions that I’ll never get the answers to though. I’m hurting, and it sucks like hell but I’m surviving. You’ve never been far from my mind and I guess replaying all of our memories hasn’t helped. There’s a lot of things I miss about you, but they’re too painful to write down. I really do miss you, and I really do love you. Maybe I’m not what you wanted, maybe that’s okay. There were times that I would’ve given anything to hear your voice. That I would’ve done anything to get in touch with you, but I didn’t did I? I’m proud of myself for that. It’s sad, because I never thought that there’d come a point in time when I’d give up. I know we’ve lost each other. I think tonight I finally accepted that. I would’ve done anything to stop it if I could’ve, but my hands were tied. We didn’t really leave things too great. So again, for whatever it’s worth, I hope you’re happy. I hope that every second since we last talked has been everything you’ve needed and wanted. I hope your life’s been getting better. I hope you’ve found the strength you were looking for. Maybe opening up like this makes me lame or a loser or weak, but whatever. I’ve never hid how I’ve felt about you and I won’t start now. I loved you more than words could express and even though now I love you less than I once did, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving you. But I’m really ready to let go now. So thank you for the adventure. I’ll cherish all the great memories we made together for as long as I can. I hope you find your happy ending, I know it’s somewhere out there. Goodbye beautiful.
With THAT, being said. I think it’s time to follow your lead and take a break from social media too.
08/23/16 - 2:03am
sheisartherself (via http://wnq-w...
i want you to remember that night
when we were young
and a little awkward
and we loved with our hearts
that night when we stayed up talking
because sleep is so run-of-the-mill.
that night when we laughed till our stomachs
started to hurt.
that night when nothing was ordinary.
please, remember that night
and the color of my eyes
the shirt you wore
the rugged jeans’ on the floor
and 4 am coffees;
remember it all
because it did not last a lifetime
like we promised each other it would.
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: ...
They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life…but there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always that one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable… This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real— but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
Where do we go from here? We are still friends, trekking through this mess we have created. When we look at each other, I can feel the burning in our souls. Our eyes locked. You stare an awful lot for someone who doesn’t believe in love.What happened? We may never figure out. All I know is, is that I have my boots on, and I’m ready to trek through this mess.
Lora Mathis, The Dust On This Poem Could Chok...
I am figuring out which parts of my personality are mine
and which ones I created to please you.
Your secrets are safe here
And I will never forget those moments where we would escape into our vacuum of isolation, untouched and unaware of the anxious future this unfair world holds for us, untouched by the constrains of logistics and time and distance and everything that we helplessly cannot control despite how hard we try, untouched by our insecurities of rejection and reciprocation. It was just us beautifuly coexisting but fueled by each other’s love, planted by sweet innocent forehead kisses and endless indirect compliments on how our eyes couldn’t believe each other’s beauty. I will never forget those moments where I did believe in love, almost as if I was born to love you and just you.
Beau Taplin // N o s t a l g i a (via http://afadthatlastsforever.tumblr.c...
It’s a dangerous thing to romanticise the past. To allow nostalgia to drag up old memories from the depths of our hearts and fashion them into something they’re not. We built a mirage from a memory and knelt before it like a false god. What we called love was nothing but foolish hope.
Your secrets are safe here
He made me laugh harder than I had in a long time. That was when I knew I wanted to be with him, it just felt right. But I was terrified because you used to make me laugh like that, and look how we ended up.
It seems like a long life without your hand to hold.